Thanksgiving: The Gentleman’s Play by Play


November 19, 2012 by pfrancis207

Thanksgiving is truly a man’s holiday. No other time of the year is cooking mountains of food, pigging out on said food, and then sleeping/watching football for the rest of the day accepted in our society. Yes, Thanksgiving is an ode to all that is man, and if you are thankful for nothing else this November, be thankful that you live in the greatest nation on earth, one that allows you to celebrate being thankful.

So, as a tribute to one of my favorite times of year, I give you the play by play as I envision it for Thanksgiving 2012.

– Heineken, Angry Orchard, Shipyard Pumpkinhead

I’m usually not a huge import guy when it comes to beer but, just as corona and lime’s are essential summertime drinking, heineken for some reason always grabs me as a thanksgiving beer. It’s heavy enough that you can feel it in the gut, but not so heavy that you can’t fit any food in there with it. A good hard cidar way also be in order, as it is the only time of year that it is socially acceptable for a man to drink (and be seen drinking) hard cidar. However, the creme de la creme of fall beers, Portland, Maine’s own Shipyard Pumpkinhead, is going to have to be purchased, possibly in keg form (be sure to remember the cinnamon).

– Cranberry Sauce, Biscuits, Bean Casserole

The biscuits and cranberry sauce are perfect starters for a collasal feast, and the bean casserole is another thanksgiving exclusive (I’m not a big fan any other time of year). You’ll discover that this holiday will make you eat things you wouldn’t under any other circumstance (creamed onions?). These three pack a solid punch that will whet you appetite for the heavyweights to come.

– Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Carrots

Potatoes are truly one of the most versatile items in a man’s diet, as they can be consumed on any occasion. However, Thanksgiving makes them taste that much better for some reason. Apply the gravy in liberal fashion all over said ‘taters (and everything else on the plate, for those less health conscious among us). Carrots are the perfect pallate setter for the turkey, too.

– Turkey

The main event. This is what you play for. The championship feast of eating. It all comes down to this. You prepare year long for this one meal. As a college student, you really are at a disadvantage, since you are either eating cafeteria food everyday or living off of pasta and  leftover pizza. You’re system is ill prepared to handle a meal of this quality. But you tackle it anyway, for you know that this is perhaps the last time (save for Christmas) that you’ll eat this good this year. And perhaps the most polarizing choice in America this year isn’t Obama or Romney, but rather white meat versus dark meat (I find myself in the dark meat camp. Not as dry).

– Pie

One word is necessary to describe Thanksgiving dessert: Pie. And lots of it. Personally, I find myself to be very attached to pumpkin, though a good custard will also do the trick. Pretty much any pie will do, depending on where you find yourself geographically (my southern readers would be up in arms if I didn’t mention pecan or key lime).

Now that I have successfully teased you guys with this cruel joke/post, take a napkin and tuck your tongue back in your mouth. You still have three days to go.

Happy Eating, Gentlemen!





One thought on “Thanksgiving: The Gentleman’s Play by Play

  1. edauley16 says:

    Great tie-in from your traditional man-speak to the relevant holiday, although I have to ask: how could you leave out the stuffing? I’d say it goes hand in hand with the mashed potato round.

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